Whenever we are off island, I take Cecilia to see as much art as possible. She’s a painter partial to modern abstracts and interactive installations so during our “spread the ashes” trip to Vegas, I made sure we got to the Meow Wolf Omega Mart and a few other exhibits.  

Branden was there and even though we were just getting to know him, he offered to pick us up from Mandalay Bay and drive us ten miles south to see Seven Magic Mountains, a large-scale site-specific public art installation created by Swiss artist Ugo Rondinone.

It was only a short walk out to the seven towers of colorful, stacked boulders but Cecilia wanted a piggy-back ride anyway. Branden threw her over his shoulders and off they went. I could see it in her eyes, the joy of that piggy-back ride - the way her dad used to play with her, carry her around, rough-house and chase her. She missed that energy. She missed her dad. 

It was a moment for her to pretend.

The whole thing felt like pretend. Juxtaposed against the desert, the towers nearly glowed, surreal totems, gigantic crayons in bold, primary shades. I wanted pictures but Ceci was focused on chasing Branden around the boulders. I gave up and just watched them play hide and seek. 

Finally, I was able to get a picture of their piggy-back ride, their smiles and the sunshine, color against the blue of a Nevada sky. It was nice to see Cecilia laughing again. In that bittersweet way that early grief twists happiness into heartbreak. 

I missed daddy too.